By Marie Bargas and Tony Sokol
CNN reported that the U.S. bombed the caves of Afghanistan with the biggest non-nuclear missile in the history of bombs. The arsenal rained down on April 13, 2017. In the midst of five retrogrades, including Mars, the planet that rules war, otherwise known as the “Red Planet.” During retrograde, the usual astrological forces that bombard the earth from the solar stratosphere work against themselves, according to astrologers. History shows that you don’t want to mess with Mars. A lot of well-known wars that were started during retrograde were lost by the nations that fired the first shot. Interestingly enough, another player in the world stage, the USSR, is poised to lead the armies of the “Red Tide.” As we explore the ramifications on the 13th of April, the questions begin with, “When will our luck run out?”
Take the Russians in Afghanistan. The Soviet–Afghan War lasted over nine years, cost billions of dollars and almost 2 million civilian lives. It flooded Pakistan and Iran with refugees. Russian Premiere Leonid Brezhnev deployed the 40th Army to stage a coup in the capital city of Kabul. They killed president Hafizullah Amin and set up Soviet loyalist Babrak Karmal in his place. The first shot was fired on December 24, 1979. Retrograde.
Argentina fired the first shots against Great Britain in the Falklands during a retrograde. The war was little more than a skirmish, but the South American country paid dearly. Even President Reagan knew to consult Nancy’s astrologer before planning demolition. Former nuclear engineer, down home peanut farmer and UFO witness James Earl Carter mistrusted ephemerises and avoided firing any shots at all during his presidency.
This is what we get for letting Brian Williams back on the news with all his talk of beautiful bomb clusters during the clusterfuck of retrograde. The once and future catheter cowboy president rode that praise with his hat in the air like the last scene in Dr. Strangelove into the most explosive egogasm of the century. But today CNN and AOL confirm that our Orange Leader has abdicated his authority to the military and was not completely briefed on the bombing. While some wonder if the mighty Cheetoh was too busy honing his golf skills to bother about a bombing, others point out that in the past the military has had to launch a coup to be awarded such power. While the future remains an open book, we are reminded of a verse from the “Apocalypse of Daniel” otherwise known as the “The Coptic Apocalypse.”
21. As regards the seventeenth of their kings, a war will break out between him and his nation; it is him whose name makes the number 666. He will elevate from his nation a man who will make war for him; he will pursue him as far as Egypt with the riches of its kingdom. He will neglect his nation and its great people and will scatter riches in public places and highways.