Scary Carrie’s Weekly Guide to the Planets

 

scarycarrie9/12/2016

Mercury squares Mars this day. This means everyone’s head to mouth filter is gone, and there may be some arguments and fights. Not a good day to attend a political rally. It will be all fun and games until someone whips a Molotov cocktail and the riot gear is broken out. Also not a good day to incite workplace violence, not that any day is a good day for that. This day in particular just says NO to that extreme, so don’t choke a mother fucker out. If you’re a bail bondsman, this will be the day of money for you possibly.

9/12/2016

Mercury retrograde conjuncts Sun. This means you finally might pull your head out of your ass and realize how much of a twat you’ve been or you might randomly get the solution to a problem that’s been bothering you. Don’t be surprised if you start finding shit you lost ages ago.
9/13/2016

Sun squares Mars. Don’t be surprised if People start acting like obnoxious dickheads or in some cases more so than usual. This is a warning to Leos out there to mind their Road Rage. This especially applies to those Italian Leos out there like me, so I’m going to have to keep my ass in check too. Mars during retrograde also brings anger out in some crusty old veterans. The last thing you want, especially on this day, is to have your arms ripped off and shoved up your ass because you decided it was a good idea to run your mouth and mess with veterans. A Twitter campaign to rally awareness to the ass beating you’ll get for fucking with vets won’t help you. Go save some whales or something.

9/15/2016

Other astrology reports say that Sun opposes Chiron on the 18th. Not exactly sure what the fuck a Chiron is… maybe its Shawn Harper’s final form, I honestly don’t fucking know. I’m just the messenger here to help you unfuck yourselves.

Astrology reports also talk about this being the day where we reflect on old childhood hurts. So don’t go overboard and call up your brother 35 years after the day he ripped the head off of your damn Malibu Barbie and you still have issues with that. Also not a good day to contact your ex of 10 years ago to finally confront them on their bullshit that still affects you. It’s totally not worth the energy so go listen to some ACDC out in the garage and calm your tits.

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9/16/2016

Full Moon/Lunar Eclipse in Pisces: The full moon being on the 16th will also be a time of doing love spells and shit. The focus is “return” being that it’s Mercury retrograde so bringing back an old love or money being paid back to you is/ are good spell ideas. As always be mindful of what you wish for. You just may get it and regret it. Just don’t do love spells while angry. You’ll have the urge to want to hate fuck your ex, so, go smash the gym or something while listening to Ramstein before casting.
9/17/2016

Mars trines Uranus: Time to be risky and maybe decide to try anal. Don’t go too crazy with your adventurous side use lube and a safe word. Be careful with a spontaneous road trip. You might end up in fucking Mexico with no pants on in jail. Nobody wants Mexican jail. Eloping to Vegas is also not advised on this day.

9/18/2016

Venus opposes Uranus and you might want to either kill your partner or start a fight with someone. Go check into the Holiday Inn this day to get away from people. The Venus and Uranus opposition brings the claws out in people towards their partner and prompts petty arguments escalating to attorneys being called. It’s absolutely a man cave day.

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One Comment Add yours

  1. Grandtrines says:

    Reblogged this on Grandtrines .

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